Thursday, January 12, 2012
Dear whomever is reading,
Well its been a few days since I have last posted an entry and not a whole lot has been going on with me. I have my friends back which is great but apparently that is causing an issue between my mother and I because she does not like these friends. Tension is high at home again and it really sucks, but oh well my mother has her happy pills to take care of that. That’s another thing that really pisses me off. The fact that she is taking medication because she is so “depressed”. The reason why I hate it so much is because I don’t believe for a second that she is depressed, doctors will say anything to anyone now a days. But who knows, she has told me I am the reason that she is depressed and has thought about offing herself. That part also really sucks. Oh gotta love mother daughter drama.
I really wish I had more stuff to write about, but I don’t. You’d think that since its been a few days since my last post there would be tons of stuff goin on with me. However that is not the case at all. Things have been staying the same basically. Things between Michael and I are still good, he is actually coming to visit next weekend so I am really excited about that. I really wanna see him. He just makes me happy and he has helped me move past everything that has gone on. He helps me forget. In a good way. I dunno, I hope that somewhere down the road things really progress with us.
My plans for moving to the city are still in effect. Josalyne and I are going up next Saturday to view a house again and this one actually looks really great. I’m really excited to see it. I also have to hand out resumes in the city so I can get a job up there. That’s the part I’m really nervous about because I always have the hardest time getting a job. I don’t know what it is, maybe people just hate me? But I’m sure somewhere in the city will hire me.
Well that is basically all I have to report for now. To whomever is reading, I hope you’re day is going very well. Keep on smiling. Much love.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Dear whomever is reading,
Good morning, world! Its currently 10:18am. I have been up for about an hour now. I never thought I would say this, but I absolutely love not sleeping in. I have never felt so good as I do now. Being able to sleep at night again is awesome. My bio rhythms rock right now!
SO! My life. Well its not too bad still. Things are still working out for me. Remember that friend I told you about? The one that I deleted out of my life? Well, it was actually two friends, but last night I ended up going to visit them last night. They both apologized and they both want for things to just go back to the way they were before. I would love for that to happen. All the drama and bullshit was just stupid and childish. So maybe we can all just move on from it and start over.
Another aspect in my life that is changing slowly is well the guy situation. His name is Michael, cute, nice, and lives 6 hours away from me. So at this point I’m just trying to get to know him. And yes I have seen him IRL lol. He told me last night that he is starting to like me but I’m not going to be jumping into anything anytime soon cause well ya I just got out of a relationship. Not gunna open up to anybody too soon.
Hmm. Since my day has just started there isn’t a whole lot for me to write right now. I gotta go to Josalyne’s place later so we can browse at more houses and fill out our application for the house we viewed yesterday. Fuck ya being an adult!
Also, I saw that I am starting to get some followers, so I would just like to say thank you very much for following me and to any of you, if you ever need someone to talk to I am always around, I am a great listener and I can sometimes give good advice : ) So with that said, I am going to have a smoke and then give my kitty some love cause he has been fighting for my attention the whole time I have been typing this out. To whomever is reading, I hope that your day brings you lots of happiness today. Much love.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Dear whomever is reading,
I actually got a full nights sleep last night. I can’t believe it! I have this awesome feeling that things are going to start getting really great very soon : ) Josalyne and I are going to the city to view a house, so that is very exciting, and I also took control of the situation between me and Nik. Like I said before he isn’t over his ex and I went through this is exact same situation with my ex, Dan, and after me and Dan broke up we still continued to talk and hang out and that just made it even harder for me to get over him. So today I told Nik that we couldn’t continue to talk to each other anymore, it sucks and I’m going to miss him but its just what’s best for me, I need to be able to get over him, If I don’t im going to be miserable.
On a lighter note, yesterday in the city was a complete success. I got some new clothes and I got my septum pierced : ) I absolutely love it, it looks awesome. It hurt like a bitch, but totally worth it : ) I will post a picture of it at the end of this entry.
Well, I don’t really have much else to say other than that I am one happy girl today. I’m all smiles : ) So, to whomever is reading, I hope that you have a wonderful wonderful day, keep on smiling. Much love.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Dear whomever is reading,
8:41am. Yup you guessed it again, I got no sleep at all last night. I’m currently listening to City and Colour, my calm music. I need to stay calm or else I might go a little crazy in a sense. Things did not go well for me yesterday. Nik, remember him? He officially ended things with me last night. Apparently I wasn’t what he wanted after all. He still isn’t over his ex. It sucks but at the same time I understand. I’m not mad at him or bitter, it just hurts a little bit. Feels like everything he said to me was a lie. I have been through basically this exact same thing before with my last boyfriend who also broke up with me because he wasn’t over his ex. I’m starting to get really tired of getting close to people and only being let down in the end. It sucks knowing that I’m not what they want. But, I’ll be fine. I always pull through these things. I don’t have much of a choice but to move on.
Moving on. That sounds like a great plan. My friend, Josalyne, and I have plans to move up to Edmonton (about an hour away from my current town). I’m really looking forward to it. We have already found a place that we absolutely love, the only thing we have to do is make an appointment to see the place and then apply for it. I am really hoping that this plan works out. Its just what I need, its what both of us need, to get out of this shit whole town and move somewhere where people don’t know us. It will be a great opportunity for me to get out and meet new people. Hey, maybe the love of my life is waiting for me there. One can only hope that great things come out of this move. It’s going to be an adventure, possibly a scary one at that, but I cannot wait. I’m beyond excited for this change in my life. I have to start living my life for me, focus on me, and do what’s best for me.
On a little bit happier note, I’m headed up to Edmonton today actually to do some shopping with my mom. We are leaving in a couple hours. Nothing a little shopping can’t cure : ) I’m hoping to get a new piercing today. I really want to get my septum done. So fingers crossed that that can happen today. Hopefully today will be a good day, new piercing, new clothes, what else could a girl ask for right?
Well, not much else to write right now. Smoke time and then going to get ready for my day. To whomever is reading, I hope you have a splendid day. Much love.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Dear whomever is reading,
Current time: 4:37am, current song playing on my laptop: Let Me Know – The Audition, current people I am talking to: no one.
Insomnia. It’s starting to get really old. I can sleep for at most 4 hours a day. I’m tired, and not physically tired, but emotionally tired. This whole not sleeping thing has caused me to do things to myself that I wish I could take back. What happened between my “best friend” and I really hit me hard about a couple weeks ago. I lost someone else in my life well actually I lost about 5 people. It really started sinking in and it hurt, a lot. So, I cut myself. I have only done that once before and I told myself I would never do it again. Looks like I was wrong. I probably would have never done it if I was thinking clearly, not sleeping isn’t really helping me with thinking things through. Or maybe it’s making me think too much? At this point I’m not too sure about anything anymore.
“If we’re gunna make it, please you gotta let me know” Lyrics from the song I am listening to. I tend to listen to much that matches the situations that I am in. (but then again, who doesn’t?) This song suits my current situation with Nik. He is the guy that I was talking about in my previous entry. The one that ended things with me and now we are working through things. We seem to be okay, I mean he tells me he loves me, he misses me when he isn’t with me and calls me all those cute pet names that he did when we were together. The only thing is I feel like I am the only one that is putting in any effort into trying to make us work. I’m confused, frustrated and very, very much in love. I have talked to him about this and he says he is taking things slow. I just don’t know how long I can wait around for him to make up his mind. He either wants to be with me again or he doesn’t. But, for now, I’m not giving up on us. I probably wont for a long time.
Today, well I guess it was technically yesterday, was a some what decent day. I actually decided to get myself off the couch, shower and do something with myself. Went shopping and then went out for supper with my best friend. It was actually just what I needed. I think we both needed it. Since we both aren’t with the guys that we want right now, its nice knowing that we still have each other. This girl is actually an amazing friend. She is one of the few that have stuck around, she even moved 6 hours away from me but ended up coming back and am I ever so happy that I still have her in my life. I can tell her anything and I know that I can trust her.
BUT, enough with the mushy stuff, it is noq 5:03am and I think I am going to wrap this entry up, go for a smoke and try to sleep again. Goodnight to whomever is reading. Much love.
